What makes successful mentoring relationships work?

Firstly, both the mentor and the mentee must want the relationship to work. If either one wants it more than the other, “lopsided” relationships occur: both the mentor and the mentee should be committing appropriate and close to equal time and energy to the process.

There are five essential features for a successful mentoring relationship:

1. Mutual respect

This is active when the mentee recognizes the knowledge, skills, and abilities in the mentor; and when the mentor appreciates the qualities of the mentee and their desire to develop his or her capabilities.

2. Trust

Mentors and mentees should work together to build trust, through honest communication, confidentiality, reliability, being available and loyalty.

3. Partnerships

The mentor and the mentee are professional partners. Natural barriers that all partnerships face may include miscommunication or uncertainty of each other’s expectations. There should be a commitment to overcome these barriers.

Activities that can help you do this include:

• Maintaining honest communication and feedback
• Openly discussing and fixing “obvious” problems
• Forecasting how decisions could affect goals
• Frequent discussion of needs, expectations and progress
• Monitoring changes

Successful partnerships develop through:

• The expression of value for the person they are working with (Mentor/Mentee)
• Acknowledging the benefits they see arising from the relationship
• Successfully dealing with problems, conflicts and difficulties which will lead to an atmosphere of emotional acceptance of each other
• Recognising and acknowledging successes, lessons learnt and progress achieved

4. Realistic Expectations & Self Perception

Both parties need to set realistic expectations of what can initially be achieved and adjust them later against experience. A mentor should encourage the mentee to have realistic expectations of their own and of the mentee’s capabilities; and for both to agree the energies and actions that each will commit to the mentoring relationship. The mentee may need to be willing to earn the mentor’s support.

A mentor may help define the mentee’s self-perception by discussing social traits, intellectual abilities and talents, beliefs, and roles. It is important for both parties to be able to speak openly and to provide honest feedback.

5. Time

Set aside specific time to meet; do not change times unless absolutely necessary. Meet periodically, and at mutually convenient times when you can control interruptions. Frequently “check in” with each other via informal phone calls, etc. (it’s a good idea to schedule even informal activities to assure regular contact).

The amount of time a mentor and mentee choose to invest in the relationship varies greatly, based on the needs, expectations, and desires of both parties. However, a mentoring relationship should be expected to exist for a minimum of 6 months, during which time anywhere from 4 to 8 meetings should occur. If there isn’t sufficient take-up from either party during this period, the mentoring relationship may fail.

The greatest commitment of time is generally at the beginning of the relationship, when the focus is on getting to know each other and exploring expectations. Before the mentor connection is even agreed upon, during the “interview” phase, the amount of time each person is expecting and willing to commit should be discussed. As the relationship evolves, the time spent together will naturally evolve based on mutual agreement.

If all five of these features are integrated and built into the relationship, the process and both the individuals will thrive and rich experiences will result.

Penny Sophocleous©

Chief Executive, Corporate Alchemy