The philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti asserted that only unflinching self-inquiry can lead to genuine discovery and to resolution of all personal and social conflict.  He said,

“When you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively,
then you are listening not only to the words,
but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed,
to the whole of it, not part of it”

“Oh, yes.  I pride myself on being a good listener”.

We all like to think of ourselves as good listeners, don’t we?  Well if we’re all good listeners, why then do we so often complain about the listening skills of others?  How frequently do we find ourselves talking to someone about a matter which is important to us and, whilst we speak, we are thinking, “This person isn’t listening to a word I’m saying.  Look at his body language.  See where his eyes are focusing.  How incredibly rude he is.  What a waste of time this is.  I bet I could say complete gobbledygook and he would still have that look on his face, pretending he is listening to what I’m saying.”

With experiences such as this, how can we be sure that we ourselves are good listeners? Here are some self assessments we can make to re-assure ourselves that we are not falling into disrespectful and lazy behaviours.

Take a moment now to evaluate your listening skills.

We often listen differently depending on our current role and who we are talking with. How do you believe the following people would rate you as a listener  – on a scale of 1 to 5?  (5 = best)

Yourself                                                ——-

Your Customers                                   ——-

Your Boss                                             ——-

Your Colleagues                                   ——-

Your Best Friend                                   ——-

Brick Wall                                 Average                                Excellent Listener 

How did you do?  Have you found that you listen more carefully to one group of people and not another? What does this kind of behaviour say is important to you?

Let’s take this a step further and look at listening habits.

Review the following list of poor listening habits and honestly consider how often you exhibit the tendency.  Give yourself a rating as appropriate of an “F” (frequently), “S” (sometimes), or “R” (rarely).

• I pretend I’m paying attention when my mind is drifting off.
• I cut people off or finish their sentences because I know what they’re going to say.
• When someone is speaking to me, I look around the room to see what else is happening.
• I shuffle papers on my desk or start doing some other task when someone talks too long or too slowly.
• When someone is speaking, I plan what I will say next.
• When a person speaks too quickly or uses words I don’t understand, I let it go and listen only for what I do understand.

What do your scores tell you about your listening skills?

Listening Barriers

Part of being a good listener means having to identify and overcome obstacles both internal and external. Review the following barriers to listening and consider what you do, or could do to overcome them.

• You are in a noisy workspace with visual distractions.
• You are tired and/or stressed and/or in a hurry.
• The person to whom you are talking speaks very quickly or has an accent which is difficult to follow.
• You have pre-conceived expectations about what the other person is going to say.
• The person to whom you are talking uses emotionally charged words or statements.

Spend some time thinking about what you can do to improve your listening skills.

What will you do?

How will that make a difference?

How will you know if you have been successful in improving your listening skills?

Shirley Huntington
Senior Psychometric Consultant